“The come back after an NDE”

The comeback can be difficult. And let me tell you since I had no idea about what physically and spiritually happens to you during an NDE, I had no idea what to expect. To be honest, I thought I was losing my mind. I had never researched NDE or read about it before. This was all new to me.

The day that I came home from the hospital, after having my botched surgery attempt to remove my brain tumor (which is when I had my NDE) Everything seemed brighter, lighter, and happier. I honestly was not prepared for what I was about to go through in the upcoming months ahead.

I just didn’t feel like me to put it bluntly. I felt like everything that made me “me” was left behind. I used to be a go getter, a work-a-holic. On every aspect of my job, family, health, etc. And now, it was like I was just there. I really didn’t care. I knew I came back different. But I couldn’t pin point what it was. If you’ve read my Blog The Surgery and my NDE, then you’ll know that it took me months to get back to feeling half way normal again. I only say normal because I don’t know what other word to use. I was just Blah. Just there occupying space.

I would try to work again, but just sat there and stared at the computer. Like my body had no idea what my mind was wanting it to do. I had no sense of time anymore. Time was not even a thing where I was. It did not exist and I brought that back with me when I crossed back over. I just couldn’t get my footing in this world again. I had no idea who I was anymore and what my purpose was or why God saved me. I cried all of the time to my husband, at least once a day, as I slipped further and further into this deep depression. My poor husband tried to help me as best he could but if you have never been through anything like that before you just have no idea how to help or what the right thing to say is. He tried, but he couldn’t possibly understand how I was feeling.

I prayed to God for guidance and asked all of the time, Why me? What do you want me to do? Why did you let me go through all of that and come back not knowing what im supposed to do and still have this dam tumor? It wasn’t fair. And I was upset.

No answer. It was like God wasn’t home. I had to figure this out on my own. It took me months and months to get a grip on life again. And the only one who knew was my husband. I didn’t want to tell my kids. Geese, they’d been through enough. And I probably wouldnt have even told my husband except he never left my side, so he knew. I finally decided I was going to give traditional therapy a try and see if a therapist could make sense of me and fix my jumbled brain.

I really liked my therapist. She helped me through some of my anxiety and depression but, it wasn’t really what I needed. I needed something on a more spiritual level.

Before my NDE I never researched this kind of stuff so I had no idea what to expect as far as getting re acclimated. I just had to wing it.

I did a lot of research after my NDE to see if anyone else had any of the same issues that I was experiencing or if it was even normal or if I was just losing it all together.

I found the most common effects of an NDE “may” include long-term depression, broken relationships, disrupted career, feelings of severe alienation, an inability to function in the world, long years of struggling with the keen sense of altered reality. In which, I was having them all.

After watching some of the videos I found on YouTube, my interest was peaked. Some I couldn’t really relate to, but there were others who experienced something very similar to me. For me there was no meeting with God, no life review, no beautiful garden. None of that. I was in a tunnel. A dark but yet so beautiful place. I don’t have any idea what that place is actually called. And almost as soon as I got there and got ready to explore my grandmother shut it down! She didn’t let me get any further. But for those who knew my grandmother, knew she was a no bull shit kind of woman. She wasn’t about to let me wander any further.

Anyway, it took me a really long time to get my footing in this world again. I really think a lot of my depression was because I couldn’t find that same feeling here on earth as I had on the other side. That same sense of peaceful bliss.

In all honesty I must have tried to contact over a dozen spiritual leaders and teachers to help me. and yeah I know it’s a big ask, but I was desperate at this point. And do you know not one of them answered my message. So when I say I was alone, minus my spirit guides, I was ALONE.

I watched tons of videos, read tons of books, articles and whatever I could get my hands on! And the whole time the answer was within me. Well, through my spirit guides within me.

When I could walk again, I started to go outside more and spend more time in nature. I started meditating and spending more time listening to my spirit guides and building my relationship with them. I even got my old deck of angel cards out which hadn’t seen the light of day in a while due to me always being so busy with my business.

I also started telling myself positive affirmations daily. And this really helped me. I’m not saying don’t seek medical advice or anything like that because I’m a firm believer in getting help if and when you need it. All I’m saying is this worked for me.

Our minds are very powerful pieces of artwork. You’d be surprised by how much you can change your life by changing the way you think.

Life does change after a near death experience.

Here are just a few examples:

• Increased spirituality – not necessarily religion, but just a sense that something is bigger than us as humans.
• Increased sense of an inner-self and seeing things outside one’s self – Similar to spirituality, those who have been through a near-death ordeal are able to easier identify things within oneself (think: feelings, thoughts, ideas); they have a higher sense of what is often unconscious in many; they also find a more concrete meaning to their lives than others.
• Changes in values – such as higher tolerance for others, appreciation of others, self, and nature, and higher concern for social justice.
• No more fear of death – This may be directly related to that out of body experience many have, that one’s mind tells itself: you have already died for a brief moment, and it was peaceful, there is nothing to be afraid of.
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD); – though those with a near death experience tend to be more aware of the symptoms more than those experiencing some other kind of trauma, this can look very different than the above examples – this is also a good note for those after a suicide attempt: those depression symptoms do not disappear with the above experiences.

When I recovered enough, and I say enough only because I’m still almost 2 years later, not fully recovered, I told myself: My life is going to change, my life is going to be amazing, I am going to be thankful for every day and live life to the fullest! But the reality is: that’s not always reality.

Now I focus a lot on thankfulness being humble and kind, and self awareness This truly was, and still is, helpful for me, and research has shown its impact too, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Your mind wanders. I found myself “What if’ing” all the time. What if this, what if that. What if what if what if! Why am I even thinking like this? Why am I questioning and second guessing now?!

Because I’m human too.

“And that’s OK”

After my near-death experience I found a few things for myself.

I learned life is a roller coaster. We all know this. Life has its ups and downs. But now I am really able to see this outside of myself, and when I get down I am able to quickly pull myself back up. Especially with the help of my spirit guides. I chat it up with them every day now. We’re best buds.

Another thing I found for myself, and maybe most importantly, was an acceptance and appreciation of the roller coaster that life is. I appreciate those overwhelming days because it means I’m human. Bad days–those mean you’re human too. And to me, the fact that I’m alive and feel pretty shitty sometimes: that’s pretty amazing! Because without the bad days how would we know the good? And without the sad days how would we know the happy? Remember everything is a balance. There is no light without the darkness. No sunshine without rain.

it is important to appreciate the ups and downs together. And we all experience life differently.

Real Life Takeaway

Is it hard to have this appreciation for life in the moment? Absolutely. Sometimes it is! But those good days, which are most days, where I’m truly living in the moment and life is its best, those days are worth it. Those are the reminders. Remind yourself that you are worth it and you are deserving of every bit of precious happiness, love and energy that life has to offer!

A popular saying right now seems to be: “Live Life Authentically” That means all the spins and ups and downs and loop-de-loops that are an authentic part of being a vulnerable human.

Remember through the storm is brighter days. I hope that in some small way this has touched just one person and made a difference. And if there is anything that I can help you with don’t hesitate to ask. I am here for you!